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Roosevelt Dies / By Monarc Merriweather

As I sit watching the television, a prayer service for one of the many who died in the terrorist attack on the Pentagon and New York City, is finishing. The sadness in my soul reminded me of another time sadness was with me, another time the threats of war filled me with fear, another time that marked and changed my life forever .

I was a child then and our country was already at war far away. Our president had just died and I sat close to the radio at the kitchen table listening to his funeral. The same place I listened to The Long Ranger, Hop Harrigon, The Shadow, Intersankton. Some of those shows were scary, but President Roosevelt's death was different. I felt personally threatened.

Every Saturday, at the movies, I saw Charley Chan, Roy Rogers and others along with pictures of war on The News of the World. Flame-throwers were shot into caves to burn out humans hiding inside. Far away cities were destroyed with children running wild. But today it hit close to me.

It was our President in Washington who was gone. What would that mean for us? Would the war come to our capitol, to my town? My stomach churned, I felt physically sick. I shook.

"Turn the radio off and go out to play," My grandfather said. "You been listening all day."

"I want to know what's happening," I said. The sounds of sadness played again, then again. I was in a trance of pain and fear. It was as if I wanted to feel what people there were feeling. I felt better by feeling worse. Like I was more a part of it.

I also felt guilt. Only months before I marched with other children on the school playground chanting, "We want Wilkey, we want Wilkey." I thought that my duty since my family was Republican. But even though Roosevelt had won, I didn't want him to die. Did this new man Truman know how to fight a war? People said he had sold clothes and had no experience with war.

Later, when my world didn't change as I had feared, my worries slowly begin to leave and my days were like before. Except I never again felt quite as comfortable or safe.